Naruto's Secret Weapon
by Spaikrab
Summary: Our favorite (or not so favorite) Naruto characters all have there own weakness. But what happens when Naruto abuses it? Find out Now! NaruSasu, Rated T just to be safe. On Hiatus.
1. Sasuke's Obsession

Naruto's Secret Weapon

Summary: Naruto decides that Sasuke is starting to get to wound up in all this avenger business. So, like any good friend, will try to snap Sasuke out of it. How you may ask? Lets find out!

Legend:

"blahblahblah" Talking

'blubblubblub' Thinking

" **BLAHBLAHBLAH"** Demon talking

' **blahblahblah'** Demon thinking

0o0oo00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o00o0o0o0o

"Hey, Sasuke!" Naruto said, running with a gigant grin of epic porportions.

"What do you want, Dobe?" Sasuke said, with a voice saying 'Im better then you'.

"I just wanted to let you know that the market has a special stand for today only." Naruto said.

Out of curiosity, Sasuke followed Naruto to the market. On arival, Sasuke asked what was so special about this stand.

"Just read the stand name. I promise that it will intrest you." Naruto said with a sly smirk.

Upon looking at the area Naruto signified, Sasuke saw a gigantic pile of almost every fruit you can imagine. But in this daze, Naruto pointed to something else on the sign. Something that said 'Take anything and EVERYTHING you can carry!' Sasuke was in heaven when he saw the biggest pile of them all. Healthy, Red, Tomatoes.

Sasuke looked back at Naruto, Then he did something Naruto could never dream of. Sasuke gave Naruto a peck on a cheek, as a thank you for showing him the shop.

" **Hey kid, I think he likes you." Kurama/Kyuubi said, laughing.**

"Shut up Kyuubi." Was all Naruto could reply.

(AN **: So what do you think? Should this remain a One-Shot? Or should i do the other characters? Tell me what you think for my first fanfiction! Remember to R &R **[Mostly Review so you can tell me what I did wrong, or should be fixed] **I hoped you enjoyed that short Fanfic.** )


	2. Gai and Lee's Worst Day Ever

Gai and Lee's Worst Day Ever

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto in any way shape or form. I DO however own any OC's that are in my storys. If you wish to use them, Please contact me through PM.

Legend is located in Chapter one. Please refer to it, as i rather not write it over and over and over.

It was a wonderful day in Konoha. The sun was shining, the birds were flying, and all was happy.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

'Well, there goes that thought for a peaceful morning' Thought Naruto, grumbling something about ramen. Naruto wasn't a morning person. If you woke him up to early, Hell would insure. If you woke him up to late, His sensei would lecture him, which follows a not so healthy dose of Rasengan.

The only reason the entire village isn't burning down is because of the new house his grandfather figure, The Third Hokage, gave to him. Naruto decided to check out that scream, so he put on some proper clothes and headed out.

At the source of the scream:

YOSH! YOUTHFUL YOUTHFUL YOUTHFUL YOUTHFUL YOUTHFUL YOUTHFULNESS YOUTHFUL BLAHBLAHBLAH YOUTHFUL YOUTHFUL 5 MILLION PUSHUPS! The cause of this much quote unquote "Youthfulness" was two energenic bowl cut men wearing green spandex, otherwise known as Gai and Lee.

LEE!

GAI-SENSEI!

LEE!

GAI-SENSEI!

OH DEAR GOD PLEASE BURN OUT MY EYES! SOMEONE STAB ME OR SOMETHING! JUST PUT A END TO THIS! Screamed Tenten. Tenten was screaming so much because of a certain genjutsu that no one can seem to deactivate, leaving many scared for life.

When Naruto saw the sight, he immediatly started to research the Genjutsu, that is known as "Perfect Moment". Naruto found something out though that made his life better, and life for the green clad beasts worse, as he was going to pull off his greatest prank yet.

YOUTHFUl YOUTHFUL YOUTHFUL 5 MILLION LAPS YOUTHFUL YOUTHFUL YOUTHFULNESS YOUTHFUL 10 BILLION HOPS WHILE EATING YOUTHFUL YOUTHFUL YOUTHFUL. Screamed Gai.

GAI-SENSEI!

LEE!

GAI-SENSEI!

LEE!

Right as they were about to hug, Naruto casted a Jutsu made to combat the "Perfect Moment" Genjutsu. **Horrible no Jutsu!** Said Naruto. As the green beasts hugged, they both saw something terrifying that scared the wits out of them. NO MORE YOUTHFUL HUGGING GAI-SENEI! Said Lee as he was sitting in the fetal position crying.

"Looks like I managed to stop the hugging once and for all." Said Naruto, patting himself on the back for his idea. He told everyone, and later that day they held a ceremony for stopping that horrible Genjutsu from ever coming back. Everyone congradulated him, except for Gai and Lee, which were both still crying in the fetal position.

(AN: Second Chapter done! I might do a third later, and even a fourth, but if i do a fourth chapter, I will start a diffrent series, which will be similar to this one, except it will be more crazy with diffrent ideas. Please rate and review and tell me anything i did wrong. Thank you for reading!)


	3. Sakura's Sad Day

Sakura's Defeat

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING except for my OCs. This is also has some NaruSasu for all of you NaruSasu fans out there in it. If you don't like it then don't read it.

Legend is located at ch 1

SASUKE-KUN! Screamed the giant pink forheaded terror, also known as Sakura.

'Gotta hide!' Sasuke thinks, when a hand grabs him by his collar and saves him from a Hug of Death™.

"Whew. That was TO close for comfort. Thank you Naruto." Sasuke says in a very tired tone.

"No problem Sasuke." Naruto says with a grin.

"When will Sakura that i don't want to date her? This is getting REALLY old." Sasuke says, obviously annoyed.

"I might have a plan. It will sound extreme, but its the only way to stop her from chasing you. Unless you want to go out with Ino..."

"NOPE, NO WAY IN HELL." Sasuke says, as going out with a fan girl isn't his thing.

"Okay then. Plan B it is." Naruto says.

*After whispering the plan*

"YOU WANT ME TO WHAT?! NO WAY NO HOW." Sasuke says, clearly not liking Plan B.

"Sasuke. Its either fan girl dating or this. Which would you rather do? Plus, i know you like it *wink*" Naruto says with his very evil grin.

"Hn. Fine, I'll do the plan. Oh crap on ramen here she comes" Sasuke say's quickly getting into position.

"Hey Sasuke-ku...? S-Sasuke?" Sakura says, hoping it was on accident.

Incase you can't figure out (no offense) but Sakura is witnessing her "True Love" kissing the Dead Last, looking as it was with passion.

'This is so gross! Atleast it will end soon. But a part of me doesn't want it to end...' Sasuke thought.

'This is super werid! But his tounge feels so good, I never want this to end' Naruto thought.

Sakura, on the other hand, was crying while running home to her mom.

" **Naruto, it has been 10 minutes since she left. You think your done? Or is it true about what i said the other day?** Kyuubi/Kurama said with some annoyance, but glad his host found love at last.

Sasuke and Naruto pulled apart gasping for air. When their done, they look into each other's eyes, at a sign of lust. Kiba happened to be passing by, and saw them both looking into their eyes, leaning in for another kiss. Kiba decided that there was only one thing to do.

" **GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!** " Kiba Yelled.

Both Naruto and Sasuke saw him, and Kiba started running.

"KIBAAAAAAAAAAAAA! GET BACK HERE!" Naruto and Sasuke shouted at the same time.

"RUN AKAMARU! RUUUUUUUUN!" Kiba Yelled.

(AN Chapter 3 down! Tell me who you think should be next in any comments or reviews you have for me! Also remember to leave constructive criticism so i know how to improve! Thank you for reading!)


	4. Kakashi's Anger Issues

Kakashi's Hobby

Disclaimer: I may own some virtual hats, but i do not own Naruto.

Legend: Located in chapter 1

Naruto has been very bored for the past 2 weeks. This is not good, as if he is bored for too long, he tends to make bad decisions. One decision is pranking Kakashi. In case you didn't know, pranking Kakashi can end up in him breaking most of your bones. Naruto however, since he has Kyuubi stuck in his never ending void for ramen (AKA stomach), He could pull off a prank without much worry.

'What i need is something to use against him...' Naruto thought

" **How about using those perverted books against him, kit?** " Kyuubi said, giving Naruto his two cents on this idea.

'Thats brilliant Kyuubi! Now, i just need Ero-Sennin to come into town.' Naruto said to Kyuubi.

" **Don't mention it, kit. Just be careful, i heard Kakashi doesn't take well to jokes.** " Kyuubi warned.

'Got it. Thanks Kyuubi!' Naruto said, thanking Kyuubi.

The next day...

"Hey Baa-Chan, when is Ero-Sennin coming into town? I need some help from him" Naruto asked.

"I heard he is in town right now, looking for Kakashi." Tsunade told Naruto. "Why are you looking for him anyways?

"I would rather keep it a secret, so it remains a surprise."

"Alright, just don't get into any trouble, ok Naruto?"

"Got it, thanks Baa-Chan!"

Naruto looked around for Jiraiya, and eventually found him about to talk to Kakashi. Naruto quickly grabbed and forced him into a alley, making sure Kakashi didn't notice.

"What do you want, Gaki?" Jiraiya asked.

"I'm trying to pull a prank on Kakashi, and i'm wondering if I could use that book against him." Naruto replied.

"What, this book? No way, No way in hell are you using this book. This is a special edition, gold foil with extra scenes of the newest in the series! This is worth millions and billions! There is only one in the entire galaxy!"

"Not anymore, Ero-Sennin!" **Duplicate-no-Jutsu!** Naruto shouted.

In a flash of yellow and white light, there are two books, one being the original, and one being the copied one.

"Hmfp. You win Gaki, just keep one copy on hand." Jiraiya said.

"Ok Ero-Sennin. I just need one more thing. Do you happen to have any seal creation materials?" Naruto asked.

"I do. In fact, these are made for beginners learning Fuuinjutsu"

"Alright, let me see them."

After a quick making of the seal, Naruto placed seal activated explosive tags in the seal. After righting above the seal "Place blood here to see cut chapters", he gave it back to Jiraiya to give to Kakashi.

"Hey, Kakashi!" Jiraiya called out.

"Hmm?" Kakashi said.

"Here is the new, latest special edition of my Make Out Paradise!"

"GIMME GIMME GIMME!" Kakashi said with much impatience

"Alright, alright. Here you go."

Kakashi immediatly saw the seal Naruto had made, and bit his thumb to get enough blood to open it. As soon as a small bit of blood touched the book, the explosive tags went off, exploding in Kakashis face, taking his masks and book with it.

"..."

"Kakashi, are you ok?"

" **MY BOOK! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS JIRAIYA!** "

"Wait! It wasn't me! It was Naruto!"

"..."

"Kakashi?"

" **NARUTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I WILL KILL YOU WHEN I SEE YOU!** "

" **Kit, I think thats our cue to run. Run Kit, run!** "

After Kyuubi said that, Naruto started running, just in time as if he just stood there, he would of gotten a Chidori to the face, and after that, Naruto would never try to pull a prank on Kakashi again.

(AN: Sorry for the lack of activity, i hate writers block. Anyways, this was a longer chapter, and i hope you enjoyed it. Please rate and review, and tell me what i did wrong and what i did right. I might write up a new series either today or tomorrow, It depends if i am sleepy or not. Anyways, thank you for reading!)


	5. Kiba's Smell Disaster

Kiba's Smell Disaster

DISCLAIMER OF DISCLAIMERNESS: I don't have any stupid ways to say I don't own Naruto at the moment.

One day, in teletubby land... wait a minute... WRONG SHOW!

*Ahem* One day in Konoha, Kiba was having a fantastic day as he learned how to turn into Akamaru, thus making him "One with the Pack" as he put it. Naruto, seeing this turn of events, decided to give him a present. That present would be a very big chain of stupid events, to make him give up in a fake match Naruto challanges him to. After the events were set up, he just needed to ask tinsy winsey little favor from our favorite shy girl, Hinata.

"So, you think you can do it Hinata?" Naruto asked.

"I-I'm not s-so sure a-about this Naruto-kun..." Hinata stammered.

"Don't worry Hinata, it will be fine! I already planned this out, so I have no chance of losing. Plus, don't you want me, a very handsome man, to be your boyfriend? I know you like me already..."

"W-W-What! how do y-you know!?"

"I knew since we were kids. Plus, you can drop that fake studdering act now."

"So you knew all along, hmm? I guess i'll have to punish you for figuring out so easily when you win..." Hinata winked, with a sly smirk.

"I think that would be really fun, Hinata... I have really wanted to see you ever since i left the village."

With that piece of incouragement to make sure he doesn't lose, Naruto went off to find Kiba which was currently trying to get a present for Hinata since he was, you know, very feral, gave him animalistic instincts, and when he is horny, he is REALLY horny. Right now though, he had his sights set on his "Dream" girl, which is none other than Hinata herself.

"Oi! Kiba!" Naruto shouted

*sigh* "What do you want, fox boy?"

"I wanted to challange you at team 7's old training ground!"

"Sure. Whats the catch?"

"The winner gets Hinata as a girlfriend forever."

"Alright Naruto, i accept your challange! 'YES! THANK YOU NARUTO! NOW I JUST HAVE TO BEAT YOUR ASS AND I WILL GET MY DESERVED HINATA!' When should we start, Naruto?"

"Right now! Meet me at the training ground!"

With that, both Naruto and Kiba ran to the training ground sprinting as fast as they could, wanting Hinata with desire for either her body, like Kiba wanted, or for her personallity, like Naruto wanted. The question is, who will win?

"Alright, I w-will be your judge f-for your battle t-today. Remember, o-only fair fighting. N-No killing blows a-allowed." Hinata said, on the inside knowing that her precious Naruto would win.

"Hajime!"

 **Harem no Jutsu!** Naruo screamed as several fem Narutos ran at Kiba.

'Must...not...get...nosebleed!' Kiba thought.

"Akamaru! Help me wipe out these clones!''

"Arf!"

Kiba swiftly depatched the fem Narutos, and ran at him from behind, only for him to let him rip one of the most nasty farts, and that is so nasty even the Sage of The Six Paths would hurl. Naruto then kicked him into his trap. Kiba was bombarded with smell bombs of various smells, some being of rotten meat, others being skunk and pepper spray. After a while, Kiba was no longer being bombarded, but then started to puke because of all the bad smells.

"OUUUUUAAAGH! OH GOD, THE SMELLS! I THINK YOU PERMAMENTLY DAMAGED MY NOSE NARUTO! AAUUUUGH!" Kiba managed to say.

"You give up Kiba?" Naruto said with a pose that said i'm-better-than-you.

"YES, FOR THE LOVE OF KAMI YES! I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT YOU EVER AGAIN!" And with that, Kiba ran away, and wasn't seen for two weeks.

"Winner, my new bitch, Naruto Uzumaki!" Hinata said gleefully.

"So, what about that reward, Hina-Hime?"

Hinata quickly pushed him over, and made love with him all night. Meanwhile, in the bushes watched them...

'OMG! Naruto is so big, I wish I chased after him, and not Sasuke...' Sakura thought. Next to her, Ino was thinking the same thing, both of them sad they had chased after a tratior that never paid attention to them, where there was a boy that always did like them, but they didn't want him. "Ino, we have been watching them for long enough. Lets go home..." Sakura said with a somber voice.

In the morning, as Kakashi was out for a jog around all the training sites, he came across two bodies. 'Oh god, did someone assassinate two villagers?' Upon closer inspection, he realized it was just Naruto and Hinata, cuddled up to each other with their clothes on. 'They look so cute... might as well let them bask in each others company.

(AN: **This wasn't too focused on Kiba,** [ **Which will get rectified in later editions** ] **But rather the relationship of Naruto and Hinata. The reason for that is because I have a sequel planned for this series, and possibly a new fanfiction series going as well before I plan for anything else. Anyways, thank you for reading, please rate and review, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.** )


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